Wedding Thank-You Cards: How to Get Through the Pile

After the wedding comes a stack of thank-you cards, and most couples feel behind before they have written the first one. The good news is that it is a small project, and it gets finished once you break it into pieces.

Start with one list

Make a single list of everyone who gave a gift, helped, hosted, or traveled to be there. Add a few columns: what they gave, whether you have thanked them, and the date you sent the card. A spreadsheet works, and so does a notebook. If the wedding is already behind you, rebuild the list from your registry, the cards you received and any messages.

Set a pace you can keep

Common etiquette advice is to send them within about three months of the wedding. If you are past that, send them anyway: a late card is far better than none. Choose a number you can keep up, like five cards each evening or ten each weekend, and tick them off as you go.

Splitting the list helps most. Each of you takes the people you know best and signs your own cards, which also means every card sounds like it came from a real person.

What a good card includes

1. Their name, written the way you would say it.
2. A thank-you for the specific gift, or for coming.
3. How you are using it, or what it meant to you.
4. One personal line, like something from the day or a plan to see them soon.
5. A warm sign-off.

Three or four sentences is plenty. Nobody is grading the length.

When you don’t love the gift

Thank the person, not the object. You can be sincere about the thought, the effort, and the fact that they came. “Thank you for thinking of us” is true even when the gift is not your style. Leave exchanges and returns out of the card.

Cash and gift cards

Thank them for their generosity and, if you like, say what you will put it toward, such as a first couch or a honeymoon dinner. You do not need to mention the amount.

Make it feel less like a chore

• Pick a regular time and put on music or a show.
• Address the envelopes and add stamps ahead of time.
• Keep a few cards and a pen in your bag for spare moments.
• Write the harder ones first, while you still have energy.
• Sit down together so you keep each other going.